I drove to Stanford today to visit the vampires. It took me 5 times longer to drive there than to have my blood drawn. I got stuck behind a newbie to the Cancer Center and had to patiently wait while he figured out how the valet parking worked – stopping to ask the attendants along the way from one side of the driveway to the other. I took a deep breath and tried to understand the anxiety and confusion he must be feeling. No one wants to visit the Cancer Center, let alone deal with weird parking practices while the new hospital is under construction. I’ve been at it a lot longer and have had time to sort it all out, expecting the chaos and backup and friendly attendants patiently directing confused drivers every day, all day long. But I digress from my minor ‘miracle’…
Drum roll, please.
My count is up to 111. Ok, not so miraculous (reminder that the lowest end of ‘normal’ is 150), but it’s over 100. Technically, that means I can start my next, and possibly last, round of chemo this weekend. I’m still waiting for the Dr. to give me the go ahead before it’s set in stone, however.
I’m starting to embrace the idea of not putting toxins into my body each month (or so.) Not having chemo brain might be kind of awesome – I may write more, sew more, cook more…create more in general. I’ll have more energy, less fatigue. I’ll think more clearly and perhaps spend less time retracing my steps trying to remember why I went into one room or another, only to forget I was retracing my steps when I walk into the original room. I’m thinking I’ll have to rewash at least 50% less loads of laundry I’ve forgotten in the washing machine. Maybe I’ll even be able to sit in a restaurant with ambient noise AND music and not get exhausted in 30 minutes! Maybe I can’t blame the chemo on all of my issues – the tumor, cancer, a craniotomy, months of treatment, and some of my own high levels of distractibility should take some of the blame I suppose. But, I can’t help think that there may be more days of productivity and inspiration ahead.
Today, I saw more stories of survival than loss. The skies were blue and the sun was warm. We got the chance to visit with new friends from the Northeast. The dog met new doggy friends and saw a few squirrels. The kids got along surprisingly well, even with an abundance of energy. I had a lovely date with my husband last night (I know, not technically today, but let it slide, ok?)
All in all, it was a good day.