Pity Party With More Drugs!

I’ve got some old drugs and now I’ve got some new drugs.

I’ve got brain cancer and now I’ve got potentially life threatening epilepsy. But as my epileptologist says, maybe it will go away in a few years. He’s an expert and has lots of experience (hence, ‘expert’) with these things, so I’ve no reason to doubt his prophecy. I’m willing to wait it out to see if he’s right.

As an extra buffer to stave off another status epilepticus episode, I’m now stepping into another anti-seizure medicine in addition to the maximum dosage of Keppra. I also have Ativan within reach at all times. Oh, and because he’s worried about the unborn child I’m NEVER going to create or have, he’s put me on Folic Acid…just in case – in spite of my assurances that it’s NEVER going to happen.

This new development in my neurological story has been a bit of a shock to the system. Not only do I have a high grade, aggressive tumor potentially lurking in the folds of my grey matter, but now I’ve got an escalation of my seizure status to ‘potentially life threatening.’ Oddly enough, I feel more infirmed now than I did when I was going through chemo and radiation. I mean, physically I feel better, but psychologically I feel more infirmed. I’ve got two neurological conditions that could kill me within a heartbeat. The number of drugs I take now, WITHOUT chemo, is daunting. I’m counting pills and making tick marks on a chart just to keep track of what I’ve taken.

Don’t get me wrong, if it keeps me alive, I’ll do it. But I’ve always been a bit of a hippy when it comes to putting toxins into my system. I’d LOVE to find an alternative, but I know I may not have the time to test out any alternatives. Having said that, has anyone tried neuro-acupuncture?

I’m slowly coming out of my pity party, so don’t fret. In spite of my lingering fear and adjusting to the new developments in my brain, it was a good day. I’ll be strong, courageous, and optimistic tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another good day.

5 thoughts on “Pity Party With More Drugs!

  1. You are totally allowed your time to vent all this crap out! Be gone with it. You are an amazing and strong woman and it’s normal to have this scare and depress the crap out of you. However you ARE overcoming. Every breath you take, everything you do. YOU are winning. This will not defeat you! After a good venting purge – I pray you sleep well. You’ll always cope better when you can sleep.
    Blessings on you and prayers for continued strength and healing!!

  2. Oh, Karyn, I feel your journey every day, think of you so often, pray and send positive healthy thoughts, and just can’t think of anything clever or useful or uplifting to say lately.

    But just know that I’m right here for you….

  3. Every time I have worked on something – both in my personal and professional life – the sheer complexity of the thing eventually hits me in the face? Then the other shoes begin to drop and I wonder: How much more complex is this going to be? Then I do the work, I plod along, it’s often uncomfortable, and eventually… delivery. It’s a process. I hope that this epilepsy shoe is the last to drop. I am going to use my prayers to help build as much comfort for you as possible. For I believe in the power of prayer. I see our bodies as receptors of positive energy from each other and from God. Please know I am sending that energy your way now.

  4. And after working with a teacher who was both under- and over-medicated with cold meds bc she couldn’t remember when and and how much she had taken of what, a tick-chart is NOT a bad idea : )
    Accupuncture is NEVER a bad idea in my book, even though I’ve only had it once. It was the best out of body experience I’ve ever had!

  5. Unfortunately I can’t help you on the neuro=acupuncture opinion either. I can’t see it doing any harm though. Hang in there – these curve balls will stop. I have send good and warm vibes all the way from Africa to keep those seizures away and make them go and live in an old broom or pumpkin (that’s as far as my hippy thinking can go this morning).
    But seriously, you are in our thoughts.

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