What If?

It was MRI day for me today. The typical anxiety and ‘what ifs’ set in this week.

What if it’s back. What if we have to explain the possibility of more surgery and associated risks to our kids. What if we have to explain that I may die. What if I do die.

Every mother out there is familiar with the ‘what ifs’. Once you have children, a whole new set of fears enter your brain. You know what they are. This is really no different, except that to address these ‘what ifs’ I can’t double check the window locks. I can’t tighten the straps of a helmet. I can’t teach them about stranger danger. I can’t teach them how to defend themselves against the bad guys.

I’m fighting as hard as I can against the bad guy lurking in my brain and so far, I’m winning. The ‘what ifs’ have lost.

MRI was clear. 17 months clear.

13 thoughts on “What If?

  1. So fabulous Karyn – good news indeed.

    What I am personally learning is to try to let go of Fear – because Love, Hate and Fear are all expressed through the heart chakra, and one will block the other. So if I want to be Love, I can’t be in Fear or Hatred.

    You are doing marvelously with all of this. So happy for you and proud of you….

  2. Just checked in here after a while, and what a great post to see! Happy happy!

    Your last post is great too (as all of your writing is), appreciate the reminder.

  3. So good to hear the good news. So sorry you have to ride this emotional roller coaster all of the time. So impressed at how you handle it. Hug your kids (including the big one) and celebrate tonight with a funny movie and popcorn while all snuggled on the couch together.

  4. Pingback: Six is a magic number. | cancer avenger

  5. Glad you are clear! My wife jane is doing the polio virus trial at duke. It’s early for her, but there are a few patients in the two year range considered in remission.

    Your words are inspirational. All the best.


    • I’m hearing about so many trials. It’s hard to know which one is the ‘right’ one, but knowing there are options and scientists are fighting to find more avenues of treatment is encouraging.

      Best of luck to you and your wife. Keep up the good fight!

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