I’m Fighting a Battle – No Really I Am

I’ve heard a lot lately about concerns in using words like ‘fight’, ‘battle’, ‘win’, ‘lose’ because they are battle references and some take offense to them being used to describe their experience living with and [unknown term] cancer. They feel that ‘survivor’ is a better term. I’m not sure how that works actually while you’re going through treatment and doing all you can to rid yourself of this disease.

This is a quote from Kate Granger in a recent Guardian article that sums up the argument fairly well:

As a cancer patient who will die in the relatively near future, I believe rather that instead of reaching for the traditional battle language, [life] is about living as well as possible, coping, acceptance, gentle positivity, setting short-term, achievable goals, and drawing on support from those closest to you.

Kate Granger

It implies that if I use the words ‘fight’ or ‘battle’ that I’m not living as well as possible, coping, accepting, being positive, or drawing on the support from those closest to me. I call bull shit. My short-term, achievable goals are to get through my next MRI with flying colors and teach my kids to be kind to each other and everyone around them.

I can do all of those things to help me become a ‘survivor’, but let’s be honest – I’m battling cancer. I’m fighting against the malignant cells that mysteriously popped up in my brain. They are attacking my body and I don’t accept them as a symbiotic partner in my life. I want them gone, never to return again. I do not welcome them – I consider them trespassers and they should be prosecuted to the full extent of all treatment options available. I will fight them to my last breath. It IS a battle. Perhaps it’s a battle of wits, a staring contest, or a thumb war, but it’s definitely a battle. Saying that ‘battle language’ is negative and does us a disservice as cancer patients is ridiculous (IMHO.) I don’t deserve to have cancer, nor does any one else who has it. We have a right to be angry. It doesn’t mean we’re not hopeful, positive, living life as well as we can, or drawing on the love, prayers, and support of our friends and family.

I’m angry. I’m hopeful. I’m positive. It doesn’t mean I’m not fighting a battle. It doesn’t mean I can’t beat this cancer. A little anger is healthy (letting it fester and prevent you from being positive is not so healthy.) I may not beat this, but I’m sure going to fight like hell as it tries to take me down. Yet, I’m living every day with love, joy and gratefulness for the moments I’ve got left with my family and friends.

I’m not sure there are better terms to use under the circumstances. ‘Survivor’ is what we all strive to be and yes, if it hasn’t killed us yet, we ARE survivors. But until someone comes up with a better option, I will battle on. I will gather my forces and protect the castle (‘I fart in your general direction’.) I will raise my symbolic weapons in the form of chemotherapy, radiation and clinical trials. I will not raise the white flag, I will continue to strive for a ‘conscious uncoupling’ from my cancer in any way possible.

The battle rages on.

7 thoughts on “I’m Fighting a Battle – No Really I Am

  1. I don’t know who took offense to your descriptions of what you are dealing with; but I am in awe of your ability to describe the ‘battle’ against the “beast”. We’re fighting with and for you and the battle will be won!!

  2. It is a fight. A guns blazing, take no prisoners battle. And arming yourself with love and healing energy along the way only makes you tougher. Fighting doesn’t take away from living a joyous life.

  3. Life is a battle from the beginning when that wiggly little sperm struggles to be the one to make it to the egg. It continues to the end. Some of us have more rugged engagements than others but call it what you may, I appreciate that you have the will and intelligence to recognize you need many emotions to live with the “beast” and still be who you are!! You are teaching me great things.

  4. Karyn, you are armed and awesome! It is indeed a battle and we are here with you to fortify you and kill the beast! Love, admiration and anything else you need. Patty, Fred and all the rest

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s