There are times when so much is going on that the feeling of being overwhelmed is overwhelming.
There is always too much to do and it feels like it all needs to be done NOW. And when you feel overwhelmed, somehow you find more and more things to add to the list.
There are times when so many overwhelming thoughts are flowing through your head that they take over the necessary thoughts of your everyday life.
There are times when overwhelming knowledge of the state of our world creates a level of panic and critical sense of responsibility that is almost crippling.
When you have a GBM – or a previous (?) GBM – it’s hard to believe that some things can wait. Everything could change in a matter of a day. But prioritizing is a critical life skill, brain cancer or not. So I gave it a shot.
Stress and fear of its known effect on my seizure threshold is a very strong motivator to figure out how to prioritize thoughts, actions, and to-do lists. As a former ‘master’ multi-tasker, convincing myself that THIS thing trumps THAT thing is a new challenge for me. Knowing what needs to be done NOW vs. what can wait until ‘after’ requires deep breaths, positive self-talk, and good anxiety medicine.
Letting go of the need for perfection. Learning that going with the flow rather than trying to do more than anyone will expect or notice while they’re visiting and celebrating 50 years of marriage of two of their closest friends is ok. Asking for the help of family and friends to help manage the necessary details isn’t as hard as you’d expect when you accept that you can’t do it all without them.
The surprise outstanding permits on the house from 15 years ago that need to be resolved can’t be resolved today. I need to accept that it may take longer than is reasonable. We’re dealing with a government agency after all.
Getting quotes for a new fence can wait a few days – my temporary repair job is going to hold, even if it’s not beautiful.
Decluttering the house can wait a few days and honestly, will take weeks. We recently bought a paper shredder. I can’t believe we’ve gotten by without one up to this point. The stacks (and we’re BIG stackers) are slowly becoming smaller and smaller. I never expected shredding paper to be so satisfying.
The lawn – which is surprisingly still growing even though it hasn’t been watered in months – can wait to be mowed.
The spring garden doesn’t need to be planted today. Plants will still grow two weeks from now as well.
We’re doing a lot already to reduce our negative impact on the environment. We can do more. Even though I had to suppress my sense of panic and responsibility, I have to realize that our efforts to reduce our reliance on plastic, over-packaged products, and continue to… The list is long.
This is by no means a complete list of my thoughts, but it gives you an idea.
What I’ve learned in the last few weeks is that prioritizing that overwhelming list of ‘critical’ feelings and actions is hard, but ultimately worth every decision of THIS vs. THAT.
And Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!
Another MRI on Friday… Not that it’s adding to my anxiety or anything.